622 days and counting...

OK, I was thinking about this during the last week (trying to avoid the broohaha about Anna Nicole Smith {did you know that CNN had an hour and a half of uninterrupted coverage when they discovered it? As The Daily Show pointed out, that makes it more important than a State of the Union, but less than 9/11}), and I was looking through the list of Presidential Candidates (announced and tipped) and compiled reasons why I won't be voting for them.

Mitt Romney; He's pandering to the Republican base on abortion and gay marriage (and quite possibly stem cell research, but he hasn't flipped his stance on this one, so you never know...). This turns me off. A lot. I don't like panderers. And I won't vote for someone who changes their convictions based on the base. Damn populists.

John Edwards, Hillary Clinton; They're pandering to the base on the war in Iraq. I'm not liking this either. I know that some of you (read all of you) will have a different opinion to the war than me, but I don't like it when people pull their support when it becomes unpopular (unlike Obama, who I respect and admire for opposing the war). Also I don't feel that we should just let a civil war happen and huge Iraqi casualties. An American life is not worth more than an Iraqi one. We just need a new President. And Vice President.

Barack Obama; I just don't like his views on a lot of issues. Like his voting record to make pharmacists supply the morning after pill. Or Catholic doctors perform abortion. I respect him, and think he's Presidential material, but I don't like his policies. Sorry. And it's not like he'd lose Illinois, anyway.

Sam Brownback; As Julian Mansfield put it, the Christian Coalition likes him. I don't. One Evangelical in the White House this century was enough.

Newt Gingrich Ha!

Tom Vilsack; He quit today, just two months after entering, and 11 months before the first caucus (in his own state). Wow, that's fast.

People who I'd consider voting for, conditionally;

John McCain; Stop pandering to the religious right. Stop it, or you lose my vote. And don't authorize torture. DON'T.

Rudy Guiliani; I like your federalist views, especially on gay marriage and abortion. But I don't like your civil rights history. Convince me I'm wrong.

Al Gore; I'm liking you more and more, especially on the environment. Persuade me.

Bill Richardson, Mike Huckabee; I don't know enough about these guys, but what I've heard I like. And they were governors.

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And for you out there who don't get a vote in the election, a nice fact about the biases of America. As far as I can tell, the homosexual and the Atheist are the only two not running for President. But it looks good for me, if I were to run.

What's in a name?

I know so little about American politics that it is laughable. But I definitely found it funny that Obama rhymes with Osama and his middle name is Hussein. I should not comment on this until I have read the relevant Wikipedia article, or sobered up. A wee dram on Burn's night is good for the soul.

Basically, we need another Mark Foley

Two interesting tidbits about Mr. Obama. The first is that Fox News - YOU DECIDE - keeps *accidentally* running "Obama" next to photos of Osama bin Laden and vice versa. Also, they're obsessed with using his middle name, Hussein. I like that the previous sentence has the same rhyme scheme as 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. The second thing is why I don't want him to run. He's BECOMING a dream candidate, but he isn't there yet. 4 years of Senate experience doesn't make people immediately think president. He's a young guy; wait 4-8 years (depending), get a better resume, destroy the competition. As for Hill, I think that she'd be an incredible leader: emotionless, cutthroat, brilliant, and with the best side-kick available. All of these attributes lead me to believe that we'd have a great foreign policy president. Sadly, people hate Hillary Clinton. Americans hate strong women. We even hate teletubbies that are slightly sexually confused - just look at poor Tinky-Winky. Basically, we have serious gender issues. A female president will only emerge from the Republican side (an Elizabeth Dole, for instance) because plenty of Dems will vote to put a woman in power, but the only way most Republicans would vote female is if they had no other option. I've been praying for Mr. Gore, but that seems out of the question at this point. Then Vilsack dropped out of the field. I don't know. I like Bill Richardson, but who really knows at this point. The problem is always electability, and the best candidate - Clinton - seems likely to pull about 44-48%. Hopefully something will change that. Like a sex scandal.

'08ama

Oh, and because I can never remember how to link in the pure html form, then you get this as a reply to Nathan's blog.

Concerning Obama. He's actually a bit more popular with whites than blacks. You know what that means¹? That means he's reached Colin Powell², Oprah and Tiger Woods cross-race appeal. And that means voting for him helps to assuage the guilt of centuries of racism. Wonderful. Vote for a half-black once, and you prove to the world you're not racist.

Anyway, of all the Dems, I'm liking Richardson. He helps me feel better about having an illegal Hispanic worker.

Isn't diversity great?

¹ It doesn't actually mean this, but since it's coincidental, I'm going to do what the "new" media loves to do so much and shout causation when it's just correlation.
² Before he became SecState. That ruined him.

Non-males, non-whites, non-christians and other minorities

Since Afghanistan, it's become increasingly difficult to talk about the Special Relationship between the United K and S. It's now generally used with a sneer. I've heard it put thus: "The special relationship that Britain has with America is the relationship that a tree has with a dog".

Nonetheless, we do care about America and American politics, far more than most people realise. Average British Reader, I ask you: name two unsuccessful presidential candidates. Gore and Kerry, right? There you go. Now, let's talk about John Howard. Who? I'll give you a hint: he's been Prime Minister of Australia for five hundred years.

We might have learnt that you guys over there don't like to be told when we're scared, but at least some of us will still be following aught-eight closely.

Case in point: Hilary (woman) has decided to join the race, and she's on the cover of our newspapers- in point of fact, they're comparing her to Margeret Thatcher but it was the Telegraph so I don't think they meant to imply "heartless" or "senile". Hil Clinton is a pretty solid bet, but it's not because she's a Thatcher. She's an experienced politician, educated east-coaster, middle-of-the-road politically, and a skillfull opportunist. She offers what a lot of voters have been waiting for: a castrated Bill Clinton.

Admiral Roebuck: With all due respect, M, I think you don't have the balls for this job.
M: Maybe. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.¹

Being the idealist that I am, I was cheering on Russ Feingold (Jew), but now that he's out and Gore (nerd) is still kind of depressed about 2000, my support² is now 100%³ behind Barack Obama (half-caste).

You know the sensation when you want to sneeze but can't? I've been sensing that sensation in discussions about Barack Obama. He's a contender for the Democrat nomination but without the money, name, or experience of Hilary. You're used to using the horse-racing metaphor for such campaigning. In that metaphor, Obama is the dark horse. There, I said it so that Carlos Mencia doesn't have to.

The problem, critics say, is that anyone who would vote for Obama is already going to vote Blue and he won't get any Red votes. Don't forget that great enemy of political idealism: pragmatism.

1). Astute readers will note that this is the second time I've used James Bond films to illustrate a discussion about gender roles, and therefore disregard anything I ever say again.
2). As I'm not an American citizen and therefore won't vote, my support is worth as much as the support of half of American voters.
3). Percentage determined by latest internet magics.