Reasons they should never give me power

Three inventions that I think they should have;

Google Maps on airplane windows. I was flying from Austin, TX to Chicago a few weeks ago in the evening, and I wanted to see where we were. I didn't know, cause everything was lit up the same (ie, with those lovely sodium lights). It was terrible. I think that they should transpose the names of roads and towns on the windows. It'd make the process of flying more interesting.

Salt licks. I like salt. We need more of these. Cows and deer have them. Clearly we have the technology to make them - there's no difficulty in manufacturing them. Why can't I go to the supermarket and buy a stick of salt? I'm gonna blame Big Dave for this one.

Air dryers for bathrooms. Like the hand ones, but for me when I get out of the shower. I can't think of anything more unpleasant than stepping out of a warm shower onto a cold floor with cold air. So.... if you have a big vent on either side blowing warm air at you, then you dry off pleasantly. It's a win-win situation^1,2.

I have a whole bunch of other inventions, but they're not as good as these. Unless you count the one that I thought was brilliant and amazing, but promptly forgot the next day. Shame.

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¹Unless you have to worry about doing your hair. But that's not a problem for me.
²And unless you count the environment. Then it's a win-win-lose. And I'm not quite sure who the second win is for. Maybe manufacturers.

I am not a hippy

I have been an Environmental Engineer for almost six months. This might lead you to assume three things.

1. I own sandals and/or a poncho
2. I have facial hair
3. I listen to the Polyphonic Spree.

In this, you would be correct. However, beards and 6-minute tracks about sunshine do not a hippy make¹.

Allow me to quote from the "Overview" page of Module Seven in my taught Masters course notes.

"Nature runs on sunlight. Humankind runs on fossil fuels"
I see what you're saying, but industrial society runs on fossil fuels. Humankind runs on sweet potatoes and diet coke and pankeggs².

"Nature uses only the energy it needs. Humankind waste massive amounts of energy"
Firstly, "humankind" is singular in my book. Also, I'm not sure what you consider "nature". Or, for that matter, "waste". Does sunlight reflected into space count as a neccesary expense? Plus, nature increases its needs to match availability. Bear this in mind as we continue.

"Nature fits form to function. Humankind forces Nature's form to fit it's own function"
I agree that form matches function in most cases, but that's because useless forms tend to be mowed down and eaten. Actually, this isn't always the case. Plus, we're not the only species that does this whole form-to-function thing. In fact, aren't those two statements the same? How else did form fit function if not by being made to?

"Nature recycles everything. Humankind recycles next to nothing"
I should have guessed when you capitalised the word "Nature" in the last bullet point, but I think our worldviews are quite different. I'd define Nature as being the biosphere, that is, the closed system formed by the earth. As such, it has to recycle everything by definition: if it didn't, it wouldn't be nature. Moreover, Humanity is a subset of nature³. Humanity, like all species, is a waterwheel. We extract our existence from a flow of energy and material. Any subset of nature must have imperfect recycling, so that some matter is flowing to and from the rest of the system.
Also, if you mean that life recycles everything, why are there billions of tonnes of organic carbon buried in the crust? Is Humankind doing its part in recycling it back into the atmosphere?

"Nature rewards cooperation. Humankind idolises competition"
OK, now I know for sure that we have different theories of the world. I always thought that it was people who liked cooperation, and nature that said, metaphorically, "Compete. If co-operating is the best way to keep the other bastards down, do that."

"Nature banks on diversity. Humankind opts for monculture, destroys diversity"
Well, it's true that agriculture has a tendency to make this mistake. You know what, I'll concede this point.

"Nature curbs excesses from within. Humankind celebrates excess; greed is good"
Actually, the way that nature curbs excesses is the same way we generally do. Anything that can desire, desires more. It's only humans who can think about that and consciously decided they need less. Case in point: we are the only species to practice contraception. Also, I'm fairly sure most dictionaries put "bad" somewhere in the definition of "greed". I think it might even have made the Top Ten Sins or whatever.

"Nature taps the power of limits. There are no limits, says mankind"
Um... the power of limits, you say? Well, all I will say is that Toucan Broadband know all about limits, even on their "Unlimited service". If they didn't, I'd be in a better mood right now.

Reading this module has given me an insight into how Conservatives must feel all the time.

Maybe I ought to return my tie-dye kit.

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1. Does anyone know the origin of this construction? I figure it's either Yoda, Winston Churchill, or Germany.
2. The food of kings and the king of foods.
3. Maybe you disagree. It's OK, lots of people do.

In the immortal words of Sisqo

Here's another tidbit from the life of a paper boy who, in a few months time, will begin work on yield projections for wind power at domestic scales, thank you.

Britain seems to be almost unique in having newspapers that are sorted by audience to the extent that even someone like me who almost never buys one can still describe their socio-political-economic status by the newspaper they would, theoretically, buy. Personally I'm an Independant reader, though most of my friends are Guardian types. My parents get the local paper.

Obviously, different markets implies a different focus. The Telegraph loves it whenever Gordon Brown wakes up suddenly and someone gets a photo of him looking kind of dopy- I mean, that's front-page material. Similarly, the Mail makes it a point of pride to give you all the facts and figures about exactly how many foreigners are creepin' round your back stair.

Nonetheless, some days the news is so important, so grandiose that it shows up on the sweep of human history. On those days, all you can do is apply the house style and know that you've taken part in the grand story.

Times: Yeah, we can't really ignore this anymore.
Guardian: Climate change worse than we thought.
Independant: Humanity royallyboned.
Express: Taxes suck, especially ones aimed at rich white people.